I’m the gal who always wants the bad news first. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe it’s the “glass half empty vs. half full – no, wait, my half just spilled on the floor” mentality I’ve had for so many years. Regardless, I always choose to hear the bad stuff before the good. So today, kids, you get the same treatment.
I had a terrible weekend food-wise. Cheeseburger, pizza, french fries. The usual suspects. Foods I’ve always loved. I’m not sure if it was stress about my upcoming scope (which was super easy and I had zero problems with) or what, but I was a bad, bad girl. When I talked to my nutritionist today, I likened it to an alcoholic on a bender. It felt good at the time, but the aftermath was a gut full of garbage and a heart full of regret.
I gained 1.6 pounds.
Honestly, I really expected worse, so I’ll appreciate the fact that I recognized how much I screwed up and consider it a fall. I know that there will be good days and bad days, but hopefully the next time will be just a stumble instead of a faceplant in the mud puddle of my life.
The second bit of not-so-great news came from Anita at UPMC Bariatrics. We played phone tag today for two or three hours, and finally connected right before I left work for my meeting. Apparently my psych eval came back and I passed with flying colors. My EKG? Not so much. That little nugget threw me a little bit, but I’ll be okay.
The visit with Pam went really well. She helped me recognize that when I feel the need to comfort myself with food, I need to find the discipline to remove myself from the situation. She told me that the frontal lobe of the brain, the part we use to control free will and make decisions, is strengthened every time we discipline ourselves. So the old ladies with whipsmart retorts who can remember everything dating back to 1920? They’ve got amazing frontal lobes. And I want one too.
I told her that Dr Ali wants me to start drinking 2 to 3 shakes per day, and she agreed wholeheartedly. She also gave me samples of Bariatric Fusion vitamins and told me I need to take them twice a day. I also need to take 1200 to 1500 mg of Calcium with Vitamin D3 every day. She told me to split it up over two or three doses a day as research shows that anything more than 600mg at a time isn’t fully absorbed. The more you know, right?
So, I’m back on track, and have my eye on the prize. But the prize has changed. It’s no longer “my surgery”. Now, it’s to be better. Not better as a person, because I know I’m awesome. It’s to make my body better. To make it well. I have an eating disorder. I need to make my body well.