It’s a beautiful day in Pennsylvania. It’s friggin’ cold, but gorgeous. It’s rained nearly every day for almost a week, doing little to get me out of the funk the flu put me in. However, it might be chilly out, but I’m feeling MUCH better about things…
I fell off the wagon over the weekend. Pizza. I love it. Hot, cold, I don’t care. I could eat it every meal every day. And with the ability to get a pizza for $5, and not even have to get out of my car? C’mon! It’s a no-brainer.
But it isn’t anymore. That can’t be my go to supper anymore, even though it was many, many, MANY nights. (I had a huge pile of pizza boxes that I had to get rid of before my landlord came over the other day – they’re in the back of my car, if anyone knows where I can get rid of them!) When my kid brought home pizza, and offered me some, I caved. 2 slices! And another the next day! Bad, bad Linda.
For what it’s worth, I felt like crap after I ate them. I won’t lie; they tasted DELICIOUS! But they sure didn’t agree with me! Lesson learned. No more pizza for me! (Unless I can figure out that cauliflower crust deal. That looks pretty badass!)
On a positive note, I helped an elderly patient today, and she said when she sees me she’s going to give me hug. She had gotten lost on her way to the office, and said that I was her guardian angel. What a sweetheart she is!
OH! And I was talking to my account manager at our EHR (Electronic Health Record) vendor today, (One of our receptionists refers to him as the “guy from MDI with the pretty voice”) and I told him about my impending weight loss surgery. (We have that kind of relationship – he said from now on when he is having a bad day, he going to call me because I make him laugh.) Turns out, he has a degree in nutrition! He said that if there’s anything he can do, or if I have any questions, to feel more than welcome to ask him! He also gave me some ideas about things I can do to help relieve the pain in my knee. (He recommends Tiger Balm Ultra.) I think he might be a real asset for me.
Another positive is my water in take. I’m up over a gallon a day now. I still haven’t had any diet pepsi since I was the day I saw Dr. Ali. It was rough for a few days, but I got through without too many headaches, and without killing anyone. That’s a good thing, right?
And then there’s Bob. I met Bob a couple of years ago at a bar in Tidioute. He was a childhood friend of the bar owner, and had come up from Pittsburgh to Tidioute for the PA State Championship Fishing Tournament that our little town has held for fifty years. I hadn’t seen Big Steve, the bar owner, since he took my now ex-husband to the airport and out of my life forever, so we were catching up. Bob walked over to Steve and brought him a beer and introduced himself to me. He’s in his early 50’s, white hair, and quite handsome.
We talked for hours. He asked me if I would go out to dinner with him sometime, and I said yes, so we made plans for a couple of weeks later. We had dinner and talked more, as we’d been doing everyday since we met, and decided to see each other again. I didn’t hear from him again for 3 weeks.
Bob had a vascular problem in his right leg, and he was MIA because he’d had two toes on that foot removed. They’d also put in a stent; that was when they told him that doing it again would have been for naught, and eventually he would have to have his leg amputated. Bob and I talked many, many nights about his impending amputation: he tried to convince himself it wasn’t going to happen, and I tried to keep him grounded, telling him it was better to face it head on and get it over with than to suffer in pain, with no hope of any good outcome. We continued to talk every day or every other during that time. He had asked time and time again if I’d go to be with him when he had surgery, and I told him I would.
Six weeks or so later, Bob fell off the radar. I got a text from him (which he hates to do) telling me that he’d had surgery and was at home, recovering. I was a little hurt he didn’t tell me prior, but I found out that it ended up being something of an emergency procedure, as his entire foot had turned black, because he let it go that long.
We went back to talking every day, and I tried to be as supportive as I could, but I just couldn’t bear listening to him feeling sorry for himself. One night, I just blurted out “Bob, your whole life isn’t your missing leg, and if you think it is, I think we should stop talking!” I know that sounds super callous, but it needed to be said.
After that, we talked every few weeks, very briefly, and always about his missing leg. I was as supportive as I could be, but I couldn’t stand the wallowing. I had another blowup at him for the same reasons. It got to where I stopped answering his calls and texts. I still thought about him,
Fast forward to last week. Bob called from out the blue. He filled me on how far he’d come since his amputation – he was wearing his prosthetic, his car had been outfitted with hand controls, and he was getting out more. I was very happy for him, and proud too. He told me that not holding back (yelling at him) had motivated him to get off his ass and up on his good leg to get the things done he knew he needed to do. I told him that I really was very happy, and proud of him for all his hard work. When he asked how I was, I told him about my knee, and my impending weight loss surgery. He voiced his concerns about the wls, and I told him it’s much safer now than it’s ever been. I also told him I have an amazing surgeon in Dr. Ali, and I have the mindset I need to do all this the right way. That was the longest I’d talked about myself with him since before his toes were amputated! Since then, we’ve talked almost every night. He tells me all the time that he wouldn’t have ever gotten over the loss of his leg without me. While I tell him that’s bullshit, part of me is very happy and gratified if that truly is the case.
Wow. I didn’t mean to write a novel this week, but it looks like I have. I’ve still got 15 more days til my weigh in, and I’m doing my best. I’m hopeful for a significant weight loss this month, but I’m not going to dwell on it because I don’t want to psyche myself out.
In the meantime…
Be kind, always.