I saw a photo on a friend’s Facebook wall tonight, and it really resonated with me.
I say this, because I’ve been struggling with the idea of posting my starting weight.
Part of me is scared as hell. Mortified. I can’t believe I let myself get to this place. It’s a number that’s painful to see, and I believe that anyone who sees it, and knows me, will likely be shocked. I was when I saw it. But I need to post it. I need to hold myself accountable for my actions. So here goes….
I weighed 486 pounds last Wednesday. The biggest I had ever been in my life. Even when I had babies, I was never as big as I was that day.
I use the past tense because in my heart, I know it’s the past. This is my new beginning. I’ve been asked if I’ve made any goals, and as of yet, I have not. Except for the 36 pound goal Dr Ali set for me. I am most concerned with getting to a place where my body isn’t sick anymore. It doesn’t hurt to walk. It doesn’t make my head hurt when my blood pressure shoots up. Where I don’t snore like a freight train. (Sorry, Tori.) Where I don’t have to worry about dying before my girls get married or have babies. Where I don’t have to worry about dying in my sleep, and my kids being embarrassed because they don’t know what to do with their fat, dead Mom. I won’t do that to them, and I won’t do it to myself.
I choose to live. And live I will.
I’m going to wind this up now. I’m tearing up a little bit, and think it’s best to end here. A couple of things before I go.
Cam – You’re an incredible lady. We’re both in it to win it, and win it we shall.
Kelly – I’ve got your back, girlie. If you need me, please get in touch with me. I’m here to help.
Finally, I posted my weight in the hopes that if there is someone else out there that is uncomfortable or embarrassed by their size, that they have company. I was afraid before that when this journey started, that I would be the butt of jokes among some of my coworkers, or “friends” on Facebook. But, as I’ve stated before, I have received so much support, that I’m overwhelmed at times. Truly.
Be kind to each other. Always.