Be Kind. Always. – The most difficult blog to write.

I saw a photo on a friend’s Facebook wall tonight, and it really resonated with me.

BeKindAlways

I say this, because I’ve been struggling with the idea of posting my starting weight.

Part of me is scared as hell. Mortified. I can’t believe I let myself get to this place. It’s a number that’s painful to see, and I believe that anyone who sees it, and knows me, will likely be shocked. I was when I saw it. But I need to post it. I need to hold myself accountable for my actions. So here goes….

486.

I weighed 486 pounds last Wednesday. The biggest I had ever been in my life. Even when I had babies, I was never as big as I was that day.

I use the past tense because in my heart, I know it’s the past. This is my new beginning. Β I’ve been asked if I’ve made any goals, and as of yet, I have not. Except for the 36 pound goal Dr Ali set for me. I am most concerned with getting to a place where my body isn’t sick anymore. It doesn’t hurt to walk. It doesn’t make my head hurt when my blood pressure shoots up. Where I don’t snore like a freight train. (Sorry, Tori.) Where I don’t have to worry about dying before my girls get married or have babies. Β Where I don’t have to worry about dying in my sleep, and my kids being embarrassed because they don’t know what to do with their fat, dead Mom. I won’t do that to them, and I won’t do it to myself.

I choose to live. And live I will.

I’m going to wind this up now. I’m tearing up a little bit, and think it’s best to end here. A couple of things before I go.

Cam – You’re an incredible lady. We’re both in it to win it, and win it we shall.

Kelly – I’ve got your back, girlie. If you need me, please get in touch with me. I’m here to help.

Finally, I posted my weight in the hopes that if there is someone else out there that is uncomfortable or embarrassed by their size, that they have company. I was afraid before that when this journey started, that I would be the butt of jokes among some of my coworkers, or “friends” on Facebook. But, as I’ve stated before, I have received so much support, that I’m overwhelmed at times. Truly.

Be kind to each other. Always.

Linda ❀

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18 Comments

  1. Yes its only a number but a number that will no longer be….you are a strong person, funny as hell person and so glad we get to travel the journey with you. I believe you to meet and exceed your 36 pound goal and then some! Sending positive and happy thoughts your way. Keep on going Linda, your doing great! Xoxoxoxoxoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your number is just that…a number. It doesn’t speak to the wonderfully loving heart you have, your wicked sense of humor or your fantastic sarcasm. Linda, the people that love you love you for the awesome person you are. The people that only see you as a number don’t deserve to be in your presence! I love you, friend, and I’m right beside you throughout your journey. xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So, I’m sitting here at a loss for words. I don’t usually get that way… Those who know me at all know I have something funny or inspiring to say about everything. But right now… I’m standing in my kitchen, in my mismatched nightgown and robe, giving you the biggest one person standing ovation!!!πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ always be proud of who you are, Linda. We are all a bunch of numbers… Phone numbers, social security numbers, drivers license numbers, age numbers, weight numbers, money numbers, and on and on it goes. Our numbers do define us in certain ways. Tax brackets, socio-economic status, age ranges, etc… Many times, our weight numbers are for protection… or comfort… or whatever reason. Maybe for a time… You needs your number. Whether it was conscious or not…. But today, you have told the world (but mostly yourself) that you desire a new number. A number that says, I’m healthy. A number that says, I can set a goal and hit it. A number that says, I am powerful beyond my numbers. Today, you decided you’re ready. That’s absolutely amazing.❀️

    Liked by 3 people

  4. 486 is a number. 486 is not a person. 486 is going to go away and never come back. They make a show called “My 600 lb Life”…you’re over a hundred pounds less than that and those people lose the weight and become healthy. You’ve got this.

    We all start at a different place. Some of us say “that’s it, I’ve had enough” before others. Some of us ignore it until it smacks us in the face. The when doesn’t matter. The decision to do something about it is what matters.

    When I read the % of my weight I can “realistically” expect to lose from surgery it is depressing. It puts me still well above 200 lbs when I’m “supposed” to be around 140 to be “healthy”. It’s scary, but I see tons of people lose far beyond that percentage. For me, it doesn’t matter. Any amount I lose is a step in the right direction. I’ve already made a commitment to not focus on the number (after all, muscle weighs more than fat) and focus on how I feel.

    You’re on the right track. You’ve made the decision. You’re doing it. You’re not a number. You’ve got this. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Thank you so much!

    I’ve also seen the percentages, and was a little scared by them. But i have to look at it this way – every pound I lose makes me healthier. I think that’s why I haven’t made any numerical goals. My one goal is to become healthy. And I”m going to bust my ass to get there! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I felt the same way about posting my HW on instagram – people I know in real life follow me there! It was difficult, but somewhat liberating. I’m so proud of you for coming out of the number closet. You’re such a wonderfully beautiful spirit, and this post continues to show that.

    Liked by 2 people

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